Parents definitely need to establish some communication essentials. First, your children always need to have their feelings accepted and respected. Remember to keep that in the back of your mind at all times even though you may not agree with their point of view. If you fail to acknowledge feelings, then your children will have a harder time communicating with you.
The attitude you convey when talking with your children is another important consideration. Showing a positive attitude toward a child is as important as the words you speak. If a negative attitude contradicts positive words, the words lose their positive meaning.
When children are hurt or upset, the last thing they want to hear is “I told you so” or “You should have listened to me.” This kind of talk may make them feel worse. Acknowledge the inner pain and give them a chance to talk about their problems. Discuss the situation and see if your child has learned from their experience. Sometimes self-control is more important and it also will teach your child to handle being upset in ways that do not hurt others.
Good communication takes time, work, and practice. Here are a few suggestions:
Use “I – language” to express your feelings. Using “you- language” immediately places a communication barrier.
Encourage your child to talk by asking “open ended questions.” Instead of “Do you like school?” ask “What things do you like about school?’ This gives the child an opportunity to discuss some of the positive things before trying to conquer the negative things.
Make solving problems a partnership between you and your children. They may pleasantly surprise you with their ideas and suggestions.”
Always communication your support for your children, even when their actions are not acceptable. It is okay to support your children, but a parent does not need to support the children’s actions.
Communicate your confidence in the children. If you believe in them, they will be more likely to believe in themselves.
Give your child praise and encouragement.
Do not label your children, “the stubborn one,” or the “bully in the family.” Children will normally live up to their expectations.
Hopefully these suggestions will help you on your way to a better relationship with your child.
